hotel_omelas | a day on the beach [dated to 2/9]

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a day on the beach [dated to 2/9]

It's really not warm enough for a beach trip, but maybe that's why they're doing it. It's an impractical trip, a flight of fancy that hadn't been planned or anticipated, a spare afternoon where none of them have other plans, or at least no plans that can't be changed. They have a free few hours and Jin's truck and nothing in the world sounds better than spending a few stupid hours together.

The hyungs all pile into the cab, Jin hyung and Joonie hyung up front, the other two just behind them while Jimin and Taehyung and Jungkook make themselves comfortable in the bed. Or at least as comfortable as they can with a few blankets, their cheeks turning a frigid pink as the wind whips at their skin. It's next to impossible to carry on any conversation back there, but that hardly stops them from trying, the three of them screaming and laughing into the wind, rejoicing in the opportunity to just be away from the rest of the world, to exist in just this exact moment with nothing else weighing them down.

Jimin's ears are ringing by the time hyung pulls onto the familiar stretch of beach, body buzzing from the vibration of the truck on the road as he hops out.

It's even colder here than it'd been in the city, the wind rushing off the water, chilling Jimin to the bone despite his big, puffy coat. But it feels amazing, the sand soft under his shoes as he runs up ahead, glancing back at his friends as he comes dangerously close to the edge of the water, hands still stuffed in the pockets of his coat. The dulled sunlight glints off the truck, a little blink as the sun is enveloped in another blanket of clouds.

They've only just got here, still have hours to spend doing just about whatever they want and yet, some part of Jimin is already dreading when it all ends.

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"The kind of hotels that I'd stay at aren't, mm, all that special?" Jungkook says, wrinkling his nose in thought. He knows that there are certainly some hotels out there that would probably be incredibly impressive, that offer more than just a bed and four walls to spend the night, but even if Jungkook and Yoongi could save up the money for a night in such a place, it still makes more sense for them to keep saving for now. After all, as much as they want to be optimistic, the odds of either of their families accepting their relationship right away are low, and that means there will come a time when both of them are naturally strapped, too early in their careers to afford many luxuries.

Every treat they offer themselves now comes with that backdrop of knowing it's just that much less they can lean on later. But for a first trip to Busan, it feels worth it.

"I guess it's nice that you don't have to make your own bed, but the mattresses are usually just kinda meh. It's less about having a great place to stay over at, and more about having the flexibility to stay somewhere far away," Jungkook muses, the corner of his lips curling. "The love hotels can be a little more interesting, but they also get super hokey, from what I've heard. I'll have to see; I've never actually been in one. But I hear that they compete sometimes by having different themed rooms and it sounds... I don't know, interesting."

He kicks his feet out as he turns to gaze Hoseok, smile warm and bright. "Is it super obvious? Yeah, we really wanted to make a trip together. It's taken longer than we expected to save the money, but..."

The idea of these love hotels that Jungkook keeps mentioning is so intriguing to Hoseok. He knows what they're typical for, of course; the naming is self-explanatory. But he wonders if young people rent those rooms all the time too, because they're more inexpensive. And the theming sounds like it could be fun, even if you weren't using the room for "love."

Though he suspects that Yoongi and Jungkook will probably use their hotel room in Busan for that anyway. It makes him smile; he's a romantic at heart, and even though his own chance and romance is still up in the air, the idea of his friends getting to be close and intimate and happy warms his heart. He can't help thinking that maybe someday he'll get to experience that too. He really can't wait.

"You guys are so cute," Hoseok says, the breeze off the water cooling his flushed cheeks. "I'm a little jealous," he adds with a grin. "But maybe, you know. Maybe soon I'll have someone I can go on a trip like that with."

He bites his lip. He really wants to tell Jungkook, wants to tell someone. It's too early, he knows, nothing is certain yet. He just feels really hopeful now, that he and Jimin can find something together.

"What kind of a hotel are you guys going to stay in?" he asks, tucking his knees up, wrapping his arms around his shins.

Jungkook brightens immediately when Hoseok mentions that perhaps one day, he'll have his own opportunity to make such a trip, eyes wide and fixed on the flush he's suddenly noticing on his hyung's cheeks. He's spent much of the past month worrying about Hoseok's loneliness, still holding onto a nebulous feeling of guilt, one that there was never any real way to address. But there's something so hopeful about Hoseok's expression now, and short of Hoseok finding his special someone, it's all that Jungkook wants for his hyung.

For that future to look a little brighter.

If he's honest, the suggestion on Hoseok's part is so much more interesting to Jungkook than talking about the more practical details of his planning with Yoongi. But, he reminds himself, sometimes it's better to let these things take their time. He remembers how careful he'd been with Yoongi before announcing to the group, needing to prepare themselves, to steel for any awkwardness or disapproval. Maybe Hoseok needs the same.

"Aww, I'm sure lots of people would line up to go to a love hotel with you, hyung," Jungkook laughs, leaving it at that for the time being, reaching over to squeeze Hoseok's shoulder with a broad grin. He wrinkles his nose a moment later. "Honestly, I don't think we'll be super picky when it comes to hotel? We're not exactly swimming in cash, so probably whatever place has the best deal and is, you know, relatively safe and all that. It's the food that I really want to work on saving up for. So much good seafood out by Busan, I've heard."

Hoseok's face goes even warmer with Jungkook's comment, and it's probably not really true, but it's so sweet of Jungkook to say it. He probably even believes it; Jungkook is more like a brother than any of the rest of them, and he knows Jungkook feels that same way about him. There's no real attraction there, but Hoseok can admit that Jungkook is attractive, physically and otherwise. It buoys Hoseok's confidence a little to know Jungkook might appreciate the same thing in him.

It's too early to think about things like going to a love hotel, way, way too early, but the idea of getting to go to a place like that with Jimin makes Hoseok's heart skip a beat. He isn't even thinking of anything sexual, just getting to be alone with Jimin, getting to look into his eyes and talk for hours, holding hands, sleeping side by side, maybe sharing a kiss... It's too much, it's too good, and it makes Hoseok's chest want to burst with happiness.

"That sounds so fun," Hoseok says, and he's mostly talking about Jungkook's trip to Busan with Yoongi, but maybe there's a bit of his own dreams tangled up in those words too. "Have you been researching restaurants? What dishes are you the most excited to try?"

"Fish cakes!" Jungkook chirps immediately, laughing at himself only a moment later. Fish cakes are far from the classiest dish to covet — not even really something that one would go to a sit-down restaurant for, better had from street vendor stalls. And there's probably nothing inherently romantic about having fishy breath while with one's significant other. But Jungkook certainly finds food to be its own motivator, and he knows that so many of the country's fish cakes are made in Busan itself.

It stands to reason that they'd be far tastier there.

"Ah, but probably any seafood restaurant would be great. And I've heard that some of the usual stuff just has a different style there, like the hotteok — they're like, crispy? Which I wonder about. And the ddeok there are supposed to be pretty thick, and — ah, I don't know, maybe some of it's just rumors, but I've watched a lotta YouTube videos and it all looks so good," Jungkook chuckles, leaning back and digging his fingers into sand. "Mom says Dad lived there when he was little, so I've always wanted to check it out."

Hoseok smiles widely at Jungkook's enthusiasm, laughing fondly at his dongsaeng. One thing that's well known about their maknae is his love for food, and it doesn't surprise Hoseok in the slightest that he has a list of things he wants to try in a new city. Hoseok can't say he wouldn't be excited to try different foods in new places, but he doesn't think that would be the first thing he'd think of if he was ever able to travel.

He grins and Jungkook outlines all the things he thinks he might like, how foods they're used to are supposed to differ in Busan, how it relates back to Jungkook's dad. That part strikes a different sort of chord with him, his smile fading slightly.

Hoseok doesn't know where his father is from. He has no memory of having a father, and even the memories he has of his mother have started to fade into almost nothing more than dreams. He doesn't know if he was born here or if he was born somewhere else, where any of his family comes from, what kind of people they might be. When he was first in the orphanage some of the workers told him his satoori sounded like he might come from the Jeolla province, but whatever dialect he had disappeared quickly, going to school in Seoul.

"Crispy hotteok sounds really interesting," he says, his smile brightening again as he shakes off his thoughts. "You'll have to tell me what it's like! And the fishcakes too. Maybe you can even smuggle some back?"

"That's a good idea," Jungkook muses, nodding to himself. There are some things that he doesn't think can easily travel — any cooked ddeok are likely to get either soggy or hard, and the fried hotteok definitely won't taste fresh forever. But something like fishcake should be easier to pack and carry back with him, provided he saves some space in his backpack.

He smiles, pulling his legs up so that he can wrap his arms around his knees. Jungkook isn't very afraid of the cold in general, but now that they've been sitting stationary for a while, there's a little bit of chill that starts to cut through.

"I'll definitely take pictures of everything," he promises with a grin. "And I promise not to wave them in front of everyone's faces if they start feeling jealous. But we can definitely bring some stuff back! Like fishcakes, and maybe we can like — maybe we can have Jin hyung host a party the next weekend. I bet he knows how to make odeng-tang."

Hoseok notices Jungkook curling in on himself and scoots closer, wrapping an arm around Jungkook's shoulders and tucking Jungkook against his side. He's feeling a little chilly himself, and sharing body heat seems like a good idea.

Not to mention how much he loves cuddling, especially with his dongsaengs. Of all of them Jungkook puts up with it the best, and Hoseok hopes it's because Jungkook likes it as much as he does and not just because he's humoring his hyung. Either way Hoseok loves it, and he won't keep Jungkook close if he starts to wiggle, would never want to make Jungkook uncomfortable.

"I'd love to see the pictures," Hoseok says, rubbing the outside of Jungkook's arm with his hand to warm it up a little. "And anything you bring back would be great! But don't feel like you have to, of course," he insists. "This vacation is about you and Yoongi hyung. We'll all just be happy to hear you both had a wonderful time away together."

Squeezing Jungkook against his side, he looks out across the ocean, the breeze ruffling his bangs where they stick out from under his hat. "I'm sure Jin hyung will be happy for any excuse to throw a party," he adds, daydreaming about it already. "I wonder if he'd let me come over and help him cook something."

Jungkook cozies up instinctively, leaning lightly against Hoseok's side and letting the elder continue to rub his arm. Earlier, he was bickering with both Jimin and Taehyung, insisting that his light jacket was of no concern — that he could handle the cold easily, and without reserve. He thinks that the fact that he went running into the ocean is proof enough of that, though he also doesn't mind leaning into warmth when it's offered.

In his mind, the two are totally separate issues.

"Eh, but part of what's so good about dating Yoongi is that we basically love the same people," Jungkook points out, tilting his head playfully back and forth. He remembers how much fun they had shopping for everyone's Christmas presents, before they were even dating, and wonders how much more enjoyable it'll be now for them to shop around for souvenirs — though they'll have to be a little more frugal than they were previously, considering the cost of the trip itself. "We'll share the memories. Definitely."

He leans forward, resting the side of his head against his knees, making it easier to watch Hoseok. "I bet Jin hyung would really appreciate an extra pair of hands in the kitchen. Provided they're not as clumsy as Namjoon hyung's," Jungkook grins. "He's a pretty good teacher, too. Yoongi's learned a few dishes from him."

"I can be pretty clumsy when it comes to things not dance related," Hoseok replies, grinning down at Jungkook. "I'm more worried about bothering Jin hyung," he adds, his smile softening.

It's been a couple months now, but Hoseok's still really anxious around Jin after everything that happened the night he stupidly confessed to him. It was messier than it needed to be, Hoseok tangled up in his feelings, unable to escape, to keep them in anymore. Since then Jin's been nothing but a good friend, a supportive older brother, just like always, but Hoseok can't help wondering if he worries about being alone with Hoseok now, if he has to be extra careful about what he says.

Hoseok sighs. He's good at compartmentalizing a lot of the time, and he's put his feelings for Jin (and for Yoongi) in a box, sealed it up and buried it as deep as possible. But the dirt is still disturbed, and sometimes Hoseok trips over it, often can't ignore it. It's not that he's holding out any hope or anything, it's just still there, as much as he wishes it wasn't.

Maybe, if things work out between him and Jimin, maybe then, finally, he'll be able to let go completely.

"I don't want to be a burden," he says, taking a deep breath to try and clear the ache from his chest. "I probably shouldn't ask."

It's been a little while since Jungkook and Hoseok last discussed what happened with Seokjin to any great length, not because of any unwillingness on Jungkook's part to talk about the subject, but perhaps because sometimes it's a bit easier to keep discomforts out of sight, out of mind. But there's also something to be said for not letting wounds fester, Jungkook thinks. From what he knows of both of his hyungs, Jungkook can only imagine that both of them want desperately to close the distance again, to be a close as they were before.

They probably have different reasons for having held back so far.

"I don't think you're a burden," Jungkook says quietly, his gaze briefly skirting off to the side, making sure that there's no one around to overhear. "Having feelings doesn't make you a burden to anyone, it's — it's probably more a burden on you than anyone else, hyung. But if you want to spend time with Jin hyung again, I think you should reach out. I know hyung really cares about you. Probably misses you a lot. It's just... you know, more about how much peace you think it'll give you."

Hoseok knows his expression is easy enough to read. He's always been that way, wearing his heart on his sleeve, and generally he hates it. It's hard to hide hide his feelings when everything shows on his face all the time.

Maybe that's part of why he's been nervous about being around Jin. Because he can say he understands and he can tell Jin that it's okay, but he can't hide the way his heart aches. It wasn't like he ever really had any hopes of getting to be with Jin like that, but it's harder now, knowing he was right, harder now that Jin knows, that Jin's had to reject him.

Jungkook's seen through him entirely, of course. He knows what Hoseok's thinking without Hoseok having to say it because he can see it in Hoseok's eyes, because he knows Hoseok well enough to be able to read what he sees.

"I want to spend time with him," Hoseok agrees, inhaling against the ache in his chest. "And not just... I mean, I'm trying..." He sighs, looking out across the ocean for a minute, wishing there was some way the cold waves could just wash all these feelings away.

He hears laughter then, turns his head to see Jimin and Taehyung down the beach, running along the surf.

He swallows. "Sometimes I wish I could go back in time," he says, turning back to Jungkook. "And, like. Fix what I did wrong. Change things. It was better when he didn't know," he explains with a laugh. "It would be better if he didn't. Easier."

If asked, Jungkook wouldn't be able to say that he doesn't have regrets. He has them, and often, sometimes turning thoughts over in his mind until there's little else left that he hasn't explored. But if there's one thing that Jungkook thinks he's gotten pretty good at over the years, it's coming to some level of acceptance, acknowledging that even the worst moments may have played their role in getting Jungkook to where he is today.

He realizes, of course, that Hoseok might not feel particularly happy about where he is now. That the loneliness he lamented when they spoke months ago might still be pervasive through his life. If only, Jungkook thinks, he could pass over some of his optimism. Some of that firm belief that he still so easily holds on Hoseok's behalf, that there will be better times to come.

"Maybe it'd be easier, but I guess... I don't know," Jungkook says, wishing he had the right words. Sometimes he just feels clumsy, stumbling around sentiments that don't sound as nice when he explains them out loud. He stretches his legs back out, letting his toes skim across the chilly water, splashing some drops out into the distance. "You never know what good things might come down the line, thanks to where you've been. Right? I think about my dad sometimes, and how much I wish he was still around, but. If he was, then I probably never would've moved to where I am now, and I don't think I would have met any of you. Stuff like that."

It's an optimistic sentiment, and Hoseok is generally a fan of optimism. It's one of those things that might be sort of misplaced, and of course there are things he's a lot more realistic about, things like his own future, but he's learned that positivity makes the hard times less gloomy. He likes being supportive of his friends, feels good when he can bolster their spirits, can cheer them up.

Jungkook's doing that for him now, trying to take a bad situation and find something positive about it. And then Jungkook mentions his dad, about how his dad leaving brought him to where he is now, and Jungkook doesn't say it but there's something in his tone that might be an implication; if Hoseok had to guess, he'd say Jungkook wouldn't even think about giving up his life now to be able to grow up with his own father, even it if meant getting to live with two people who love him, who don't hit him.

Hoseok loves his friends, he loves them all so much, more than anything. They're his family, they take care of him, take care of each other, hold each other up. Hoseok wouldn't know how to smile without them, wouldn't have any kind of future to look forward to.

But if he had the choice, if he could have his mother back, could return to that amusement park and count all the way to ten, uncover his eyes and see her standing there, there's a big part of him that wouldn't be able to say no. Even knowing that having her might keep him from meeting these boys, the people who matter most, who will always matter most.

He's glad it's not a decision he'll ever have to make.

"You're right," he says, watching Jungkook dip his toes in the water, the ripples he creates, cause and effect. "It's good that we can't go back. I mean, we'll always make new mistakes," he adds with a laugh. "And this one, telling Jin hyung... It's not the worst mistake I've made."

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a day on the beach [dated to 2/9]

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