a day on the beach [dated to 2/9]

[caughtinalie]

It's really not warm enough for a beach trip, but maybe that's why they're doing it. It's an impractical trip, a flight of fancy that hadn't been planned or anticipated, a spare afternoon where none of them have other plans, or at least no plans that can't be changed. They have a free few hours and Jin's truck and nothing in the world sounds better than spending a few stupid hours together.

The hyungs all pile into the cab, Jin hyung and Joonie hyung up front, the other two just behind them while Jimin and Taehyung and Jungkook make themselves comfortable in the bed. Or at least as comfortable as they can with a few blankets, their cheeks turning a frigid pink as the wind whips at their skin. It's next to impossible to carry on any conversation back there, but that hardly stops them from trying, the three of them screaming and laughing into the wind, rejoicing in the opportunity to just be away from the rest of the world, to exist in just this exact moment with nothing else weighing them down.

Jimin's ears are ringing by the time hyung pulls onto the familiar stretch of beach, body buzzing from the vibration of the truck on the road as he hops out.

It's even colder here than it'd been in the city, the wind rushing off the water, chilling Jimin to the bone despite his big, puffy coat. But it feels amazing, the sand soft under his shoes as he runs up ahead, glancing back at his friends as he comes dangerously close to the edge of the water, hands still stuffed in the pockets of his coat. The dulled sunlight glints off the truck, a little blink as the sun is enveloped in another blanket of clouds.

They've only just got here, still have hours to spend doing just about whatever they want and yet, some part of Jimin is already dreading when it all ends.

Comments

[lovestrippedbare]

Jungkook cozies up instinctively, leaning lightly against Hoseok's side and letting the elder continue to rub his arm. Earlier, he was bickering with both Jimin and Taehyung, insisting that his light jacket was of no concern — that he could handle the cold easily, and without reserve. He thinks that the fact that he went running into the ocean is proof enough of that, though he also doesn't mind leaning into warmth when it's offered.

In his mind, the two are totally separate issues.

"Eh, but part of what's so good about dating Yoongi is that we basically love the same people," Jungkook points out, tilting his head playfully back and forth. He remembers how much fun they had shopping for everyone's Christmas presents, before they were even dating, and wonders how much more enjoyable it'll be now for them to shop around for souvenirs — though they'll have to be a little more frugal than they were previously, considering the cost of the trip itself. "We'll share the memories. Definitely."

He leans forward, resting the side of his head against his knees, making it easier to watch Hoseok. "I bet Jin hyung would really appreciate an extra pair of hands in the kitchen. Provided they're not as clumsy as Namjoon hyung's," Jungkook grins. "He's a pretty good teacher, too. Yoongi's learned a few dishes from him."

[venomambition]

"I can be pretty clumsy when it comes to things not dance related," Hoseok replies, grinning down at Jungkook. "I'm more worried about bothering Jin hyung," he adds, his smile softening.

It's been a couple months now, but Hoseok's still really anxious around Jin after everything that happened the night he stupidly confessed to him. It was messier than it needed to be, Hoseok tangled up in his feelings, unable to escape, to keep them in anymore. Since then Jin's been nothing but a good friend, a supportive older brother, just like always, but Hoseok can't help wondering if he worries about being alone with Hoseok now, if he has to be extra careful about what he says.

Hoseok sighs. He's good at compartmentalizing a lot of the time, and he's put his feelings for Jin (and for Yoongi) in a box, sealed it up and buried it as deep as possible. But the dirt is still disturbed, and sometimes Hoseok trips over it, often can't ignore it. It's not that he's holding out any hope or anything, it's just still there, as much as he wishes it wasn't.

Maybe, if things work out between him and Jimin, maybe then, finally, he'll be able to let go completely.

"I don't want to be a burden," he says, taking a deep breath to try and clear the ache from his chest. "I probably shouldn't ask."

[lovestrippedbare]

It's been a little while since Jungkook and Hoseok last discussed what happened with Seokjin to any great length, not because of any unwillingness on Jungkook's part to talk about the subject, but perhaps because sometimes it's a bit easier to keep discomforts out of sight, out of mind. But there's also something to be said for not letting wounds fester, Jungkook thinks. From what he knows of both of his hyungs, Jungkook can only imagine that both of them want desperately to close the distance again, to be a close as they were before.

They probably have different reasons for having held back so far.

"I don't think you're a burden," Jungkook says quietly, his gaze briefly skirting off to the side, making sure that there's no one around to overhear. "Having feelings doesn't make you a burden to anyone, it's — it's probably more a burden on you than anyone else, hyung. But if you want to spend time with Jin hyung again, I think you should reach out. I know hyung really cares about you. Probably misses you a lot. It's just... you know, more about how much peace you think it'll give you."

[venomambition]

Hoseok knows his expression is easy enough to read. He's always been that way, wearing his heart on his sleeve, and generally he hates it. It's hard to hide hide his feelings when everything shows on his face all the time.

Maybe that's part of why he's been nervous about being around Jin. Because he can say he understands and he can tell Jin that it's okay, but he can't hide the way his heart aches. It wasn't like he ever really had any hopes of getting to be with Jin like that, but it's harder now, knowing he was right, harder now that Jin knows, that Jin's had to reject him.

Jungkook's seen through him entirely, of course. He knows what Hoseok's thinking without Hoseok having to say it because he can see it in Hoseok's eyes, because he knows Hoseok well enough to be able to read what he sees.

"I want to spend time with him," Hoseok agrees, inhaling against the ache in his chest. "And not just... I mean, I'm trying..." He sighs, looking out across the ocean for a minute, wishing there was some way the cold waves could just wash all these feelings away.

He hears laughter then, turns his head to see Jimin and Taehyung down the beach, running along the surf.

He swallows. "Sometimes I wish I could go back in time," he says, turning back to Jungkook. "And, like. Fix what I did wrong. Change things. It was better when he didn't know," he explains with a laugh. "It would be better if he didn't. Easier."

[lovestrippedbare]

If asked, Jungkook wouldn't be able to say that he doesn't have regrets. He has them, and often, sometimes turning thoughts over in his mind until there's little else left that he hasn't explored. But if there's one thing that Jungkook thinks he's gotten pretty good at over the years, it's coming to some level of acceptance, acknowledging that even the worst moments may have played their role in getting Jungkook to where he is today.

He realizes, of course, that Hoseok might not feel particularly happy about where he is now. That the loneliness he lamented when they spoke months ago might still be pervasive through his life. If only, Jungkook thinks, he could pass over some of his optimism. Some of that firm belief that he still so easily holds on Hoseok's behalf, that there will be better times to come.

"Maybe it'd be easier, but I guess... I don't know," Jungkook says, wishing he had the right words. Sometimes he just feels clumsy, stumbling around sentiments that don't sound as nice when he explains them out loud. He stretches his legs back out, letting his toes skim across the chilly water, splashing some drops out into the distance. "You never know what good things might come down the line, thanks to where you've been. Right? I think about my dad sometimes, and how much I wish he was still around, but. If he was, then I probably never would've moved to where I am now, and I don't think I would have met any of you. Stuff like that."

[venomambition]

It's an optimistic sentiment, and Hoseok is generally a fan of optimism. It's one of those things that might be sort of misplaced, and of course there are things he's a lot more realistic about, things like his own future, but he's learned that positivity makes the hard times less gloomy. He likes being supportive of his friends, feels good when he can bolster their spirits, can cheer them up.

Jungkook's doing that for him now, trying to take a bad situation and find something positive about it. And then Jungkook mentions his dad, about how his dad leaving brought him to where he is now, and Jungkook doesn't say it but there's something in his tone that might be an implication; if Hoseok had to guess, he'd say Jungkook wouldn't even think about giving up his life now to be able to grow up with his own father, even it if meant getting to live with two people who love him, who don't hit him.

Hoseok loves his friends, he loves them all so much, more than anything. They're his family, they take care of him, take care of each other, hold each other up. Hoseok wouldn't know how to smile without them, wouldn't have any kind of future to look forward to.

But if he had the choice, if he could have his mother back, could return to that amusement park and count all the way to ten, uncover his eyes and see her standing there, there's a big part of him that wouldn't be able to say no. Even knowing that having her might keep him from meeting these boys, the people who matter most, who will always matter most.

He's glad it's not a decision he'll ever have to make.

"You're right," he says, watching Jungkook dip his toes in the water, the ripples he creates, cause and effect. "It's good that we can't go back. I mean, we'll always make new mistakes," he adds with a laugh. "And this one, telling Jin hyung... It's not the worst mistake I've made."