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He's pretty sure everyone is busy tonight. Namjoon has another one of his long shifts; Hoseok and Jimin have practice. Yoongi may not be doing anything but he comes and goes as he wants and who even knows what Tae and Jungkook are up to. Sometimes he'd say it's better not to know except that that is part of his lot in life, isn't it? But he doesn't have that soul-deep sense of dread that he's gotten used to over the past couple of years, so it can't really be all that bad.

It also means he has no business cooking as much as he does. Making dinner for one is hard when you're used to making dinner for a family and by the time he's done chopping, he's got mountains of ingredients in each bowl, ready to go into the stew.

Ah well.

He supposes he could freeze it all but that seems like more trouble than cooking it, so he goes through with the whole thing after all. When he's finished, he tweets a picture of it and pretends like he's not dearly hoping at least one of them will be free to help him eat it.

[[Gathering style works best I think?]]

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Seokjin wouldn't agree with that assessment, if he knew it. In his mind, Jungkook is a bright star on the rise. Or maybe not a star, more like a stellar nebula, sill forming and full of chaotic potential. When he grows into himself and the dust settles, he thinks Jungkook might outshine them all if given the chance. Certainly, he'll outshine Seokjin.

"Yoongi will come," he says with an odd certainty. Yoongi pretends grumpy disinterest the same way Seokjin pretends an insatiable need for dramatic praise but he's almost always there whenever they gather together. He might be a spiky little cactus but a cactus is still a plant and it needs sun and warmth.

Seokjin passes a cup of water to Jungkook, a quiet and venomless reprimand to eat slowly. No one will take his food away here.

Every one of his hyungs is reliable — the six that truly matter, who have welcomed Jungkook like one of their own. Still, Jungkook can't help but feel heartened by Seokjin's reassurance. If there's anyone he trusts to pull all of them together, it's Jin hyung, with his arms always open to receive the rest of them from orbit.

Jungkook ducks his head, bashful as he receives the cup with both hands and quickly takes a gulp, cooling his throat. "Sorry," he breathes, punching his chest with a lightly balled fist. "Hyung's cooking is just so good; I got too excited."

He tries again, chopsticks picking up a few pieces of kimchi that he crunches with relish, lips puckering to savor the tart flavor. "Yah, hyung," he speaks around a mouthful before catching himself, taking another drink of his water. "It's almost Christmas. We should plan a party, right?"

"Aish, don't apologize. Just don't burn yourself," Seokjin says. Jungkook ducks his head but he's quick to follow with a hair ruffle. As quickly as the light admonishment comes, Seokjin is equally quick to pat Jungkook firmly on the back as if that will somehow get the food to move down faster.

"Christmas?" He tilts his head as if he's never heard the word before, drawing out Jungkook's suggestion. "Do you think we should?" It'll be here, probably. Seokjin likes to think that this is one of their home bases or maybe just a place that feels like home. In his mind's eye, he's already picking out the silliest-looking Christmas cake he can find in an imaginary store. But he wants to make Jungkook squirm.

The fingers threading through his hair feel nice, and Jungkook is a little reluctant to let the feeling go. Still, he complies when Seokjin pats his back, taking the unspoken encouragement and fishing for more pieces of kimchi in his stew. He hasn't had the opportunity to learn that much about Seokjin's family — they all know that he spend some time studying abroad, that he's more worldly and learned in that way — but it's hard for Jungkook to imagine that Seokjin didn't pick up his cooking from somewhere.

A loving pair of hands.

Jungkook chews quickly to get his bite down, his spoon resting against the bowl with a light tap. "Yeah! Dad might expect me to be around for dinner, but I don't think he'd say no if I wanted to go to a party. Even if he does, I'll sneak out," he adds determinedly. "It'd be a waste to get a day off school and not spend it with everyone. We can have it here, yeah? ...if hyung's okay with it?"

Family cooks. Baby-sitters. Youtube. Other exchange students in America. But not from maternal kindness or sibling closeness. Seokjin's impression of his parents is monolithic, with more in common with statues made from diorite than the flesh or blood they're supposed to be. He'd become better in the last year, living alone.

"My parents will probably be at some showy party with my brother," he says without thinking. Quickly, he smiles like it sounds like his idea of hell (actually, it does, but he can't pretend to wish a little bit that he'd been wanted there. "I'll probably be free and bored at home if you don't all come over. I'll buy a cake for us."

There are times when his hyungs' words sail over Jungkook's head, the consequence of youth and inexperience. But with Seokjin, there are flashes of a bone-deep empathy. Jungkook's mother may be a harbor in the storm, but it's not enough to spare Jungkook the knowledge that he isn't enough, that he can't live up to the family name.

Not like his hyung can. Taller, broader. Perhaps not significantly better with his studies, but he looks the part, knows how to wrest control of a room. Jungkook has always been satisfied to watch and capture the scene from afar.

So when Seokjin mentions his brother, how his parents will be taking his brother with them to parties but not Seokjin himself, Jungkook's stomach lurches with the thought that his family would probably do the same, were they in a position to. But why they would leave Seokjin back, Jungkook can't fathom.

"I bet hyung would be super handsome and fit in at those fancy parties," Jungkook says, earnest even as his heart aches, "but I'm glad you're not... like that, inside. I'm glad that you're our hyung. We're always happy when we're here, you know? Cake is better than a stiff suit and tie party, anyway."

There's a quiet moment where Seokjin knows he's said too much and Jungkook's not saying much at all. He bites his lip and then smiles like it means nothing. Because it doesn't. Those parties always sound miserable, like every motion and gesture is actually a secret etiquette test and if he so much as tilts his head wrong, he could very well cost everyone a business merger. He's relieved to not have to go to them but he does wish he was considered worthy of bringing.

"I've got the looking handsome part down. I'm brilliant at it," he agrees. It's just everything else he lacks. Cleverness, instinct, a cutthroat pursuit of the upper hand. His brother, sharper in all ways, is the better candidate.

Jungkook looks so very sincere that Seokjin wants to hug him and promise there's nothing to worry about but he refrains, afraid it will make him worry. As the youngest of them, it isn't his burden.

"I'd rather be with all of you anyway. Seriously."

There's both truth and a separate yearning in the statement, Jungkook suspects. It's true that whenever they crowd into his apartment like this, Jin hyung seems to shine at his brightest, happy to provide and watch all the warmth and affection spreading through his residence. It's too easy for Jungkook to project himself onto Jin hyung. For both of them, being in this company is where they want to be.

Still, there's something to be said for wondering, for the wistfulness that comes with the question of what could otherwise be. Formal parties don't sound very fun. Just in the same way as Jungkook has no desire to go camping or skiing with his father and brother.

But what if they were welcome? Would they enjoy it then?

"Ah, hyung isn't just handsome," Jungkook protests. "Jin hyung's smart and." He lowers his voice, glances around conspiratorially before leaning back in. "Jin hyung makes me laugh the most. And making me laugh with those terrible jokes, that's gotta be a talent."

His gaze drops to Seokjin's chopsticks, and to the bowl that's still filled from when Jungkook served it earlier. Jungkook closes his eyes and opens his mouth, signaling a desire to be fed.

Seokjin laughs and throws his head back, preening appropriately. "Good, I work very hard at having incredibly terrible jokes." He focuses on the less relevant thing rather than commenting on his intelligence. Seokjin gets good marks but he's never felt particularly smart. Jungkook may not enjoy school but Seokjin's pretty sure his friend can already think circles around all of them, except maybe Namjoon. Namjoon would just end up doing figure eights, philosophically, in a pair.

That is, if Jungkook doesn't get distracted by hunger.

"Oh, are you a baby seagull now?" Jin teases. He considers, for a moment, finding the spiciest pepper in his bowl but opts instead for a bit of tofu to be nice

"Only for hyung's cooking, aang," Jungkook says, clamping down on the offering and eating it with relish, a wide smile on his face. Any other time, he might be a little embarrassed to dip into cutesy behavior, but with Jin being the eldest, it feels natural. As soon as the tofu's tucked away in his cheek, Jungkook leans up against Seokjin, clearly angling for a hug. For the type of affection that he craves most from a brother.

"Yah, hyung's cooking keeps getting better," he declares, reaching for his chopsticks to dig more rice out of his bowl, mixing it with the stew to soak up all the spiciness. "I can make toast. Jam toast. Cheese toast. But nothing like this. You should open a restaurant someday, really."

"You're lucky you're adorable," Seokjin says. He waits for Jungkook to finish his bite before patting his cheek and then giving the hug that his body language practically screams out for. Sometimes, he thinks it should overwhelm him, just how much he'd be willing to do for each of these boys. But at the end of the day, he feels as if he could give them everything and it still wouldn't be enough to repay how happy they make him.

"Well I have lots of reasons to practice. Six reasons, specifically." He ruffles Jungkook's hair again before going back into his own bowl. "We could cook together sometime, if you want to learn."

"I'm the lucky one because I have such a great hyung," Jungkook counters, laughing as he returns the hug in kind. The difference in height between the two of them isn't as vast as it used to be, but Jungkook likes to think that he still fits perfectly well in the shield of his hyung's arms, his smile and laughter pressed against Jin's neck as Jungkook manages to launch himself over the mere couple of inches that separate them. Just to deepen that hug a little more.

"Five boys and a bottomless void," Jungkook confirms, looking up with a cheesy smile before turning back to his bowl as well, shoveling a large spoon of rice and tofu into his mouth for emphasis. "But really, you'd let me in the kitchen? Ah hyung, I definitely want to learn! I can chop everything up for you. I'm good at washing vegetables, too."

And he's lucky to have the six of them, Seokjin thinks. He's the luckiest person in the room and, unlike every other privilege that he's just been handed, Seokjin has worked his hardest to deserve their friendship. He loves them all so fiercely that he'd do anything for them.

"It's going to be horribly cold soon. Good weather for more jjigae. Or maybe Jjim dalk. What do you think?" Those are dishes that are fun to make with people, good for learning.

"I want to make hotteok sometime too," he says, a little dreamily. "We could make lots of batter and fillings and then everyone could take turns on a grill. When it gets really cold."

"Ahhh, jjim dalk, that sounds so good," Jungkook whines, even with jjigae right in front of him. Back home, there are times when Jungkook feels like he has to curb his appetite somewhat, not wanting to appear gluttonous or to look greedy in front of his father — but Jin hyung seems to enjoy the sight of Jungkook eating his fill, a fact that makes their meals all the more enjoyable.

He stuffs his cheeks with more rice, slurping the soup with relish. There's just something different about a home-cooked stew that no amount of ramyeon can match — the faint taste of spring onion and anchovy stock.

"Hotteok would be even better," he adds, careful to swallow his mouthful. "What kind of fillings would we get? I like the honey ones."

"Well I guess if that sounds better, does that mean you've already had your fill of kimchi jjigae?" Seokjin teases, even as he finds a particularly nice-looking chunk of pork and holds it up for Jungkook to eat from his chopsticks if he so desires. It makes him happy, seeing the others enjoy his food. It makes him feel worth something.

"Brown sugar. I like the traditional style," he admits. "And then sweet bean paste. Or condensed milk poured on top. But that's so messy."

"I didn't say it sounded better," Jungkook retorts, his expression taking on a dreamy look as he leans forward and tugs the pork from Seokjin's chopsticks, chewing it slowly and appreciatively. "I can enjoy hyung's food and also dream about how great hyung's future cooking is going to be at the same time." With anyone else, Jungkook might be concerned about displaying such greediness, but with Seokjin, showing greediness is almost its own form of affection.

No walls raised around his eldest hyung.

"Mm, brown sugar is good too," he nods, leaning forward with a soft smile, his chin dropping heavily against his palm. "Especially with condensed milk. It's okay to be messy, right? That's part of the fun. And I can stay back and help you clean after."

"I should stop feeding you," Seokjin says with a disappointed shake of his head. "The rate you're growing, you're going to get taller than all of your hyungs and that's just not acceptable." It'll never happen. Jungkook would be right if he ever vocalized his thoughts; Seokjin finds real pleasure in the things he makes being wanted, feeling like he's made a contribution.

When Jungkook finishes his bite, Seokjin makes a point of patting his cheek, just to remind him who's the elder here.

"And I'm holding you to that promise to stay and clean up. No shirking!" Not that there'd actually been much to clean up before the others got here. Seokjin had made a point of cleaning up as much as possible while the food simmered and while he waited for the others to arrive.

"Mm, would that be so bad?" Jungkook hums, bouncing his feet a little bit at the thought. It hasn't escaped his notice that he's been gradually climbing up their ranks in height — when they first met, he was more or less on par with Jimin, and now only Seokjin and Namjoon are meaningfully taller. In Jungkook's mind, he doesn't really expect to outstrip both of them.

But sometimes, he can't help but think that maybe with a bit more of a physical presence, he'd be more capable of helping with some of the challenges his hyungs face. Maybe growing into that body will make him braver. Stronger.

And then he receives a pat to the cheek.

"Ah, hyung, I'll help," Jungkook promises with a pout. Even though he may not be the best at remembering his duties, Jungkook isn't the type to try and escape them when they've been pointed out. "It's the least I can do after I basically begged you to let me come over."

If he ever found out Jungkook's thoughts, Seokjin would protest. He'd say that as the youngest, it's their responsibility to protect Jungkook rather than burden him with problems that his hyungs–especially the eldest–should be handling on their own. It's hard to convey that through a pat on the cheek.

"I know you will," Seokjin says. "I didn't actually expect anyone to do my dishes for me, you know." He nods toward the mostly-tidy kitchen and smiles, giving up the ruse of a disgruntled elder without respect.

"You didn't really beg. And I wanted people here."

Jungkook follows the direction of Seokjin's nod, towards the nearly spotless kitchen in the background. There's too much food for the preparation itself not to have made a mess. Seokjin's already cleaned up — just one more example of his thoughtfulness, of the responsible habits that come with age. Jungkook feels the back of his neck warm just a little bit, wondering if this is yet another example of how he needs to be better at stepping up.

It's so selfish to let his hyung watch out for him like this.

"Ah, but I would have done them all," Jungkook sighs, then wraps his arms around Seokjin, giving him a squeeze. "You're too good for us, hyung. I wish I could just move in here with you."

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