031119. jungkook & namjoon.

[lovestrippedbare]

SPRING.
March 11, 2019.

WHO jungkook & namjoon
WHAT comforting the bruised

WHERE school
TIMELINE cycle 1

JUNGKOOK His jaw hurts. It's a small thing, doesn't even feel like it deserves any mention or notice, but it's different and so Jungkook finds his mind fixated on the detail. This isn't the first time he's come to school with bruises, and he knows well enough that it won't be the last. He spent the night drifting in and out of sleep until giving up just before sunrise, searching around in his drawer for the makeup Seokjin left to him, trying to remember and recreate all the steps. For the most part, the color's hidden, but there's nothing that really helps the swelling that's apparent around Jungkook's jaw. That's probably his mistake - didn't think to pull a pack of ice out of the freezer.

There's a sense of déjà vu as he stands by the front gate to the school, watching students mill by, never quite making eye contact as they pass. A reminder of the first day he stepped onto campus, even though Jungkook knows that these are familiar faces now, knows that logically there should be less to fear. Maybe the problem is, he knows their expressions will change the moment they see - that they'll twist into pity, or unease, or any number of things Jungkook has fought so hard to avoid over the past year.

Gripping the strap of his backpack, Jungkook takes a deep breath, then steps away from the gate. Lingers a few feet away. His jaw hurts, and that's different, and maybe it's easier to simply let his thoughts linger there.



NAMJOON Namjoon should be tired this early on a Monday morning, especially given the hours he goes to bed lately, but he turns into a bright eyed morning person when he manages to carve out time to sleep at Seokjin's. He meanders his way alongside the flow of students arriving to school, listening to music, solidly in his own world. That is, until he sees the back of a head he recognises.

He pockets his earbuds as he walks up behind him, throwing an arm over his younger friend's shoulders. "Good morning, Kookie! What are you looking at?" Namjoon's smile is wide but quickly drops once he's able to take in Jungkook's expression. He looks tired, vacant... defeated is a word that comes to mind. There's something wrong and Namjoon's guts compel him to start putting up protective barriers around him.

"Hey," he says, now in a much different tone of voice. "You don't wanna go in there." The casual arm over his shoulder turns into more of a gentle grip as Namjoon guides them both to turn around, away from the gates, away from the front of the school, and begins to walk against the flow of foot traffic towards the sidewalk instead.



JUNGKOOK Though Namjoon's voice isn't especially quiet, somehow Jungkook feels like everything hits him a couple of seconds after the fact. The weight of Namjoon's arm over his shoulders, his voice, the smile that suddenly appears at his side. Jungkook knows that all of these things happen, but by the time he glances over to meet his hyung's gaze, Namjoon's smile is gone, and that's how Jungkook knows that he's too late. Again.

It doesn't stop him from trying for his own smile, managing not to wince at the almost bone-deep ache. "Morning, hyung," he greets, only a touch softer than usual. "I was just..."

There isn't enough time to complete the thought as Namjoon directs them both away from the gates, against the rush of students milling in, trying to make their way to their classrooms before the morning bell. Jungkook isn't sure if it's the crowd, if it's the push against the flow, or if it's simple apprehension for the talk that's to come, but he finds himself struggling to keep his breath. "I'm okay," he says, though his voice sounds a little thin even to his own ears. "I'm okay, hyung."



NAMJOON "I know," Namjoon nods, keeping his eyes on the path ahead so he can best weave them through the congested area. "I know you're okay. You are."

He rubs Jungkook's shoulder with one hand, still keeping him under his arm as they reach the sidewalk and he turns left. The flow of students gets thinner, but Namjoon will still have to take a safer route to get to where he wanted to go. At lunchtime he could follow the sides of the building to get to him and Taehyung's personal alcove but at this time of day, with this many people out, he'd have to take a long way around.

Jungkook begins to get tense and it sends more warning alarms off in Namjoon's mind. Maybe Jungkook had wanted to be left alone, but things still feel wrong and Namjoon trusts his instincts in interfering this one time. His focus is set on prioritising getting him someplace safe, away from people. "It's alright, Kookie. Just walk with me a little bit, okay?"



JUNGKOOK He's okay. And Namjoon knows he's okay. That in of itself feels like unspoken permission of a sort - that there isn't anything broken, that there's nothing that needs fixing, and Jungkook finds himself retreating slightly from the moment, simply letting Namjoon's hold guide him wherever they're meant to go. He's okay, so he doesn't need to look up and see if anyone else is watching. He's okay, and Namjoon's okay, and if they miss the first bell then it's probably fine; there are worse things than tardiness. Besides, Jungkook is pretty sure he showed up with enough time to spare for this.

Gradually, the tension in Jungkook's shoulders starts to release, giving way to the gentle weight that anchors him. It's too difficult to lean into Namjoon when the both of them are walking, but Jungkook almost manages anyway, instinctively falling into rhythm with Namjoon's steps, making his own gait a little longer to keep up.

"'kay," he says with a nod, his gaze hovering somewhere around knee-level with passersby.



NAMJOON "You're going to have to tell me how your trip with Yoongi hyung was. Busan sounds cool. Apparently I've been as a kid, but I don't remember in the slightest. You know how that is? Now that I think about it, I'd like to go to Ilsan more often, but my uncle and cousins come down to visit so much that we haven't had to in years. Though, maybe that's alright. It'll be better to go when not as much time is being taken up by school, I think."

He doesn't expect Jungkook to answer, he's just filling the space. He's simply hoping to add noise that will distract Jungkook just enough from going back to wherever he was in his mind when Namjoon saw him. That, and they're still very much in public, so he maintains the appearance for them both, that they're casual, carefree students. That nothing is off, and no one has to look at Jungkook for any reason.

When Namjoon is sure it's safe, he turns them off the sidewalk, and his facade drops. His hand slides to Jungkook's back as he guides him on a more direct route to the space behind the school building, his face becoming more serious. He peeks around the corner before taking Jungkook around it. He wasn't expecting anyone to be there this early, but he's thankful for the privacy anyways.

Namjoon sits Jungkook down, facing out on the bench of the picnic table, and squats down in front of him to look him in the eyes, to inspect more closely what kind of pain has settled in them. It's only now that Namjoon notices how swollen one side of his jaw is, and Namjoon can't help how his own jaw clenches at the sight.

"Kookie, look at me, hey." He keeps his voice low and gentle. His hands softly hold on to Jungkook's upper arms, as if he could keep him from drifting off. Namjoon's eyes scan his face for anything he can gather, so that Jungkook wouldn't have to go through the pain of explaining to him with words, but all the conclusions he makes in his mind are ones he desperately hopes are false. He wants to ask but he hesitates. "It's okay," he exhales instead.



JUNGKOOK "Ilsan sounds nice," Jungkook murmurs, though the thought feels a little clouded under the noise and movement of those along the sidewalk. There's not much that he specifically knows about Ilsan, aside from the fact that it's close, but not too much so - that a short and relatively affordable train ride could probably take them there, not unlike the day trips Jungkook's made with Jimin. It's hard not to feel a little surge of longing for the steady rattle of a train, the gentle swaying of the car. But there's no way Jungkook would get away with it now, not so soon after Busan.

Maybe he never should have come back.

"Busan was perfect," he adds, his voice softer still than before, until it quiets entirely as Namjoon leads him down a path around the back of the campus, where they're bracketed on either side by building and barrier. Perhaps normally, the squeeze of such a space would feel claustrophobic, but today, privacy becomes the main focus, and finally Jungkook breathes.

The grasp of Namjoon's hands and the low timber of his voice help to anchor Jungkook, almost as though pulling him back into his body. He meets the other's gaze, his own stock still and trained on Namjoon's eyes while he watches the elder scan his face, his cheek, his jaw. The glance alone seems to make Jungkook's jaw ache again, and there are so many things he could say - that it's okay, that he's okay - but under the weight of Namjoon's gentle expression, Jungkook can only let out a huff of breath. His shoulders sag. "I'm sorry, hyung."



NAMJOON The word comes to mind again. Defeated. Namjoon shakes his head fiercely before Jungkook even finishes apologizing.

"Don't. I told you it's okay."

He holds his breath for a second, bouncing nervously a few times before his grip slides down Jungkook's arms and Namjoon takes both of his hands in his. He doesn't want to ask what he's about to. In silence, he briefly considers the possibility of just... not. But it's not right.

"Kookie, you don't have to say anything if you don't want to, but I... what happened?"



JUNGKOOK Ever since his father's blows first came to the surface, since that day Seokjin stepped into his bedroom and noticed the mark on his cheek, Jungkook isn't sure if things have ever really been okay. It hasn't stopped him from offering the same reassurances, but deeper in his chest there's been a building unease. Because unlike before, his father's blows and Yeongwook's punches don't find purchase only on Jungkook's skin. Now, every altercation inevitably makes its way back to Jungkook's hyungs and hurts them, too.

Inaction isn't the easy route it once was, but solutions still elude Jungkook. He can't hit his father back. He can't run away. And even when he does everything as asked, there's no guarantee that he'll be able to escape his father's more irrational tantrums.

Jungkook curls his hands, tucking them away more wholly in the warmth of Namjoon's palms as he shifts on the bench, setting his feet neatly side by side on the ground. "Sometimes," he says, blinking a couple of times. "Sometimes my father gets angry. Especially when I - I didn't really get permission to go to Busan. I told him I'd be away for the weekend, but tickets all the way down to Busan aren't. They aren't cheap." Suddenly, his chest feels tight again, his lungs unable to grab at enough air. Admitting what happened to Namjoon feels worse, somehow, than all the others. Namjoon has enough to manage without another burden he can't resolve.



NAMJOON The next breath Namjoon takes feels hot, as if he's inhaling ash and smoke, but right now that's not the case. For a half second, he's sitting in Seokjin's car again, holding his face and trying not to imagine it marred with bruises. Then, he's back and he sees how swollen the side of Jungkook's face is and he can't help it, his chest just feels so hot.

Like that time, he reminds himself that it happens. It's more common than he thinks. He reminds himself how normal it was when he was a kid. But it wasn't like this, though. This wasn't punishment that got a little out of hand. This was deliberate violence. This was cruelty. Jungkook's stepfather was cruel.

Not wanting Jungkook to have to say any more, Namjoon clambers up to the bench to sit beside him, reluctant to let go of his hands but it doesn't feel like enough. In an instant, his arms are around Jungkook, overwhelmed with the desire to protect. Once again, however, he's reminded that he doesn't have the power to protect anyone from something that's already hurting, and it makes his throat feel tight and raw.

"I'm sorry. I-- heol, I'm really sorry." He's sorry he couldn't make this go away. He's sorry he can't protect him. He's sorry he doesn't know what else to say.



JUNGKOOK It's so easy to want to reclaim old habits. To shrug the attention off and explain that it's really no big deal - that this time, especially this time, it was Jungkook who did something to anger his father. It'd be easy to throw out a glib statement about how it doesn't really hurt, it looks so much worse than it is; it's not even strictly a lie for Jungkook to explain that he's dealt with physical blows so much that his mind hardly even registers it, sometimes. And it's never been bad enough to merit going to the doctor's office. No matter how much anger Jungkook's father directs at him, it'll never put him in any lasting danger.

But Jungkook remembers the way Yoongi held onto him when he last attempted to downplay his situation at home - how terrified he'd been that even one slip might prove irreversible. No doubt Namjoon could come to the same conclusion. The comfort that he offers now, warm arms wrapped around Jungkook's shoulders, draw a start contrast with the softer touch Jungkook receives from his mother at home. This isn't to keep him quiet, nor is the comfort intended to sweep everything else under the rug. No, Namjoon's embrace feels like an acknowledgment of both the pain and futility.

Jungkook tries blinking a few more times before he realizes that his cheeks are already wet, and that's when he folds, curling up in Namjoon's hold and quietly gasping for breath. "I wish he didn't - I wish I could make him stop. But there's nothing that I can..." Jungkook pulls in a wavering breath, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, hyung."



NAMJOON "No, no, no, no, please don't say that. You've done absolutely nothing wrong. You're doing absolutely nothing wrong."

His heart wrenches with both sadness and anger when Jungkook curls over, his internal supports collapsing, leaving him shaken and unsteady. Namjoon pulls him in tightly towards his chest, arms around his head and shoulders, as if he could make a protective home for him. If only he could. He rests his cheek in Jungkook's hair, his hands moving slowly to soothe but his eyes glare into the empty space in front of him. It's probably good that Jungkook can't see his expression now. The heat that began in his chest crawls up into his face and it takes some effort to force himself to breathe slowly.

Namjoon is angry at so many things at once. He's angry at Jungkook's family, at himself, at wide concepts that exist that he's unable to put a name on at the moment. There were so many terrible things going on, and the one person in the world who deserved absolutely no part of it all was Jungkook. Jungkook, who loved everyone kindly, who made efforts to understand when others wouldn't, who was bright and vibrant and generous and who was crying in his arms and who deserved none of this.

He stays silent for a few moments, letting Jungkook feel what he needed to feel in safety. When Namjoon goes to speak again, he has to stop short for a second to blink back his own sudden tears. He makes himself take a long, slow breath.

"I wish I could fix this. I wish I could give you a safe place to be. I'd... You don't deserve this, Jungkookie."



JUNGKOOK There's a difference, Jungkook thinks, between not being at fault and doing nothing wrong, and it's the latter that Jungkook isn't sure he necessarily deserves. Still, once the pressure starts to release, Jungkook finds that he can't stop, taking shuddering breath after breath and dabbing his sleeve against his eyes. It'll be even more noticeable when he heads to class that something's been wrong, but the fact that it couldn't be hidden in the first place means it doesn't matter now. This won't be the first time his classmates have seen evidence of a fight written all over his face, and it won't be the last.

Maybe he should try and wear the injuries like a trophy, something hard-fought and won, that might hold bullies and tormentors at bay. But Jungkook's never been a good liar, and acting is even further out of reach, even when he has every incentive to try and hold it together like he does now, instead of clumsily spilling his emotions all over Namjoon. If there's one thing he's learned from having his hyungs learn what goes on at home, it's that the idea that he was okay before wasn't entirely a lie. It really was easier to bear, somehow, when the burden was kept secret.

Eventually, Jungkook's able to focus less on his breathing, and more on the pull of the arms around him, finally resting his temple heavily against Namjoon's chest. He turns Namjoon's words over in his mind. Tries to figure out how to explain how his own emotions have settled over the years. "Hyung, the thing is..." Jungkook pulls in another breath, letting it out slowly between his lips. "The thing is, things were harder before my mom remarried. People would say how sorry they were about what happened to my dad and stuff, but no one really - there wasn't any help. She wasn't working before, she was staying at home with me, so the only jobs she could find after dad - and with a little kid at home - we were always going to bed hungry."

Jungkook closes his eyes. "Father's never kicked me out. He's never made me go without a meal. And mom doesn't have to work so hard anymore, she doesn't have to worry so much. I'll get to go to college. It's only a couple more years, and then..." He glances up, pulling away until he's able to focus on Namjoon's eyes. Namjoon has to understand. "It's really not that bad, right?"



NAMJOON Namjoon closes his eyes, his face twisting in discomfort as Jungkook rests against his chest and explains. He tries to distract himself from a thorny, curling feeling in his body by combing fingers through Jungkook's hair, but his hand gets clumsy and he drops it to the back of his neck instead. Namjoon understands, but it hurts and he almost wishes he didn't.

Jungkook speaks of his mother, but Namjoon can't help thinking about his own, how he wished she didn't have to work so hard either. Except, what if, while his mother was working, he wasn't left with an angry, dying, shell of a man, but an angry, very large, very alive man, who would lash out at the hint of any misstep? Would it be better, or worse? Maybe there was no equating them. Still, the life he went home to, a life Jungkook says used to be his, wasn't something he'd wish on him either. Namjoon had gotten used to going without meals or luxuries for the greater good, but he hates the thought of that ever happening to Jungkook. Not the idea that he'd go without, but how it would change him to get used to that life, as Namjoon was.

The family his mom chose provided a host of benefits, and Namjoon can see why everyone would consider that worth it, but then Jungkook looks up at him and the side of his face is painfully swollen and Namjoon's careful wall of logic gets shaken apart. He runs a thumb gently under each of Jungkook's eyes, wiping away lingering tears.

"It's still bad, Kookie." He's not trying to lower his voice, but the mental exercise had added a soft, pained texture to it. "I understand how it happened, but it's still bad."

Namjoon wants to tell him that he can give him a place to stay, but it's a lie, because he can't. Not with the way things are now. Even so, wouldn't Namjoon only be able to take Jungkook back to the lacking life his family was trying to get away from?

"I'm sorry, I know it's not my place to--" His throat catches, and he shakes his head, eyes gazing downward. "I just want you safe, you know?"



JUNGKOOK Jungkook doesn't get the absolution he was seeking, and now he's not sure if it was ever fair to expect it. After all, how would he feel if any of his hyungs were in his position? He'd tell them that they have to tell someone who might do something to change the situation, or if that doesn't exist, that they should leave altogether. That it's not worth preserving any surface-level picture of a family if it comes at such heavy cost to their health, both physical and emotional. And he's pretty sure that the challenges each one of his hyungs faces is something they wouldn't wish on the others either, that they wouldn't tolerate seeing a loved one struggle through. So why is it that each one of them is willing to languish in their own grief?

It's impossible not to think of Taehyung now, how that household doesn't even have another parent to seek safe harbor with. Perhaps before, with both Namjoon and Jimin as options to go to at night, Taehyung was relatively safe. But what now? What about what Taehyung's sister inevitably graduates, leaves Taehyung at home alone with that monster? He should run, Jungkook thinks, even as the thought pains him, the idea of a best friend too far from reach. But he won't, not so long as both Jimin and Namjoon are here.

Jungkook's eyes briefly slide to a close at the gentle sweep of Namjoon's thumbs, and he heaves a sigh. No matter how hard he tries, he can't seem to fit the pieces together in a way that solves all the problems. He can't find a way to make it work. By the time he lifts his gaze again, this time it's Namjoon whose expression is weighed down, and Jungkook's heart aches at the sight. He did this. By coming to school today, he did this to Namjoon, and that in of itself almost feels unforgivable. Would it have been kinder to stay home? (But Yoongi would have known, and Seokjin and Taehyung would have suspected.)

"I made a promise to Yoongi," Jungkook says softly. The tears feel distant again, retreated behind the fog. "I made a promise that if I ever thought... if I ever thought it was getting so bad that I might not come back from it, that I'd run. I mean to keep that promise, hyung. I don't know what else I can do, though. I'm really - I'm really sorry." He reaches for Namjoon's hand and gives it a squeeze. "I'm okay though. I'm tired and it hurts, but I'm really okay."



NAMJOON "Jungkook, stop," he asserts much more firmly than he means to. Catching himself, Namjoon ducks his head, inhaling sharply and taking both of Jungkook's hands again. "Sorry. I'm sorry, just..." His voice drops to a substantially softer tone. "You're not doing anything wrong. None of this is your fault."

Jungkook's eyes have gone distant again, and it pains Namjoon to see, but he knows in his heart that he needs to do something to cope. Something like acceptance settles down inside of him, as much as he hates it. Jungkook was right. Without putting himself in further direct danger, and shaking up the fundamentals of his entire family dynamic, what else could he do? Is this how Seokjin feels, when Namjoon shows up at his door, broken and exhausted, knowing that he can do nothing but watch all the tragedy happen from the sidelines? How does he both accept that he can fix nothing, and manage to make it feel better, anyways?

"I know you're okay." Namjoon squeezes Jungkook's hands before putting his arms around him again, pulling him in so that he can drop a gentle kiss on the top of his head. "I get it. You're doing everything you can, and you're being really strong about it." He tests a smile, and manages a small, crooked one. "You probably get enough of this from Yoongi, huh."



JUNGKOOK The firm tone of Namjoon's voice startles Jungkook, who stares at him wide-eyed for a couple of seconds before nodding, his lips gently pressed in a closed line. This isn't the first time that Jungkook's had it relayed to him that this isn't his fault, that he's done nothing to merit the treatment he gets from his father. On some level, he knows it's true. That there's no excuse for a grown man who hits his child enough to bruise over infractions as small as not returning home on time, not using polite speech in his replies. That even the likes of spending money on a trip to a different city isn't enough to justify the swell of his jaw, the purple that blooms under his shirt.

Jungkook closes his eyes, tilts his head back until he can feel the warmth on his face.

"Am I being really strong about it, hyung? I always ask myself," he muses quietly, folding his hands between his knees. "If maybe, trying harder at school... helping out more around the house, doing all the things a good son should, maybe that would be enough to earn my father's favor. And if that isn't enough, wouldn't it be better to just go? Maybe I could study somewhere far away, somewhere my father can't reach. He's never been mean to my mom - I would know it if he was, I would see it. It's just me."

He squints against the sun, gaze dropping back to rest on Namjoon's gaze, the smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. "Yoongi would fight for me in that house if I let him, but I can't do that. Just like how hyung doesn't tell us everything, right? If I was stronger, maybe I'd go somewhere it wouldn't have to be anyone's problem anymore. But I don't want to leave you guys. Any of you."



NAMJOON "I don't--" Namjoon's back stiffens before his eyes drop and he lets out an exhale that's almost a groan. "I don't tell you everything because you guys will want to help, but you can't," he admits, staring at the ground, "so I guess you're right about that."

He resets his position on the bench so that he's no longer twisted to face Jungkook, instead sitting shoulder to shoulder. His fingers fidget in his lap for a moment, his eyes still scanning the ground around his feet, but then catches himself drifting and slides an arm around Jungkook's shoulders again.

"I think, it takes a stronger person to stay than it would to leave." His feet find a pointed stone and he rolls it back and forth under his foot, feeling the way it digs into the dirt a little more with each push. "I've... thought about this a lot. If you stay, you can't hide from what troubles are going on. Even if you can't change them, you have to at least see them, and learn from them... learn to live with them. If you go, you help yourself, you get to hide, but then you leave all the people who depend on you, as well, and Jungkookie has lots of those." Namjoon turns to give Jungkook a smile and then shakes his head firmly. "Plus, it's very hard to be off on your own, you'll have to trust me on that. So I don't think there's anything shameful in wanting to keep things the best they can be until you're able to go, even if... aish, but he's really horrible, though. I'm glad you have Yoongi to make sure you're okay."



JUNGKOOK Even though there's little levity in the moment, Jungkook finds himself still sparing a smile when Namjoon admits that Jungkook might have a point - that Namjoon keeps things from his brothers because there's little that any of them could do. A part of Jungkook suspects that all of them could probably chip in more than Namjoon believes, but it's not really his place to decide that for Namjoon, one way or the other. He settles instead for reaching up to briefly brush some of Namjoon's hair back into place, before the two of them shift to sit side by side, Jungkook easily leaning in with Namjoon's encouragement.

It's the suggestion of there being other people who depend on him that breaks Jungkook's carefully constructed mask again, teeth worrying at his lips as he dabs briefly at the corners of his eyes. Are there really that many people who depend on Jungkook? His mother, maybe. Yoongi, certainly. He won't ever deny that there's a connection between himself and each one of his hyungs, but how much any of them really need Jungkook there is a question he turns over more often than he wants to admit.

"I don't think I'm really built for being on my own, anyway," Jungkook admits, looking up once he's confident his eyes can remain dry. "Out of everything that's ever happened, I still think... being lonely is the worst. Definitely. So. Even if it means being a little selfish, I guess I'm going to keep relying on my hyungs, huh?"



NAMJOON "I'm pretty sure all your hyungs want you to," he says as he squeezes Jungkook closer to him in a one-armed side hug, not missing the cracks that form in his composure again. "So, I don't think it's selfish. If anything, I've been the selfish one, making you talk about all this. Did you want to be left alone?"

It's always a concern, that he's too overbearing for his own good, or for anyone's good, really. He's never sure if he makes the situation worse by making people share their pains or not. Sometimes people tell him that it's a good thing, but it's hard to tell for sure.

"You'll be okay going to class, right?" Namjoon knows the answer, they both do, so he says it with a smile, while rubbing Jungkook's shoulder with one thumb.



JUNGKOOK Jungkook huffs a small laugh. "Hyung, I'm not sure that even you can convince anyone that asking how someone's doing is a selfish thing," he says, shaking his head at the thought. It takes a little longer for him to figure out what to say when Namjoon asks if he wanted to be left alone. Would it be easier if he was able to go about his day without disrupting life for any of his hyungs? Jungkook still thinks so. But wanting to be left alone, wanting to be by himself, is a subtly different matter. Jungkook's lips twitch as his gaze drops again, hands restlessly fidgeting between his knees, one heel bouncing up and down against the pavement.

"I don't think I ever want to be left alone," Jungkook finally answers, settling for as much honesty as he can manage, brushing some of his bangs out of the way. "But I don't know if I'll ever stop feeling guilty, you know. Or weak, when people have to see this."

He licks his lips, managing a smile to mirror Namjoon's own. "Class will be okay though. Something tells me that I'm probably not going to be called on as much today," he nods with a tilt of his head.



NAMJOON "Yeah, because you look so tough and intimidating now, everyone's going to be scared of you." Namjoon tilts his head and chuckles a little, but lets it trail off.

"I understand, though." His voice is softer now, sympathetic. "It's really hard not to feel that way, when you do. Ideally, I'd like to tell you that you have no reason to feel guilty, but it's not going to convince the part of your brain that's telling you that you have to be. However..." He exhales heavily as he pushes himself off of the bench, turning to stand in front of Jungkook.

"Weak, our Jungkookie is definitely not. Not in the slightest." Namjoon's smile returns as he holds a hand out for Jungkook. "Let's get you to class before I make you get in trouble, huh?"



JUNGKOOK Maybe Namjoon has a point. Maybe there's a way to pass off this bruise as something to be proud of, proof that he's able to withstand blows and still go about his life. He's thought before about trying to pass off any visible injuries as fights with his peers - but he's not really sure that he can pull it off convincingly, not when he's always been one of the more docile students in the confines of his classroom. Perhaps if he were willing to go the route Taehyung did, pick a few more battles, draw from anger as inspiration - perhaps then, all of this would be easier to gloss over.

But he's just not built like that, Jungkook thinks. The blows never draw him out. They always make him retreat further in.

At least this time, there's a different reason to emerge. Jungkook's gaze rests for a moment on Namjoon's smile, soaking in the warmth of simply being next to him, and even if it doesn't solve everything, maybe it's enough to at least get him inside the classroom doors. He takes Namjoon's offered hand, and when he doesn't trust his voice to remain steady, Jungkook decides fewer words are still better than none at all. "Thank you, hyung," he smiles. "...I love you a lot, you know?"



NAMJOON Jungkook smiles and Namjoon feels a little warm, seeing it. He still sees how unsure his actions are, as if any hesitant step will shake his unsteady supports too much and send him collapsing again, but it's better, and that's all he can ask for.

Namjoon also still feels a very angry fire in his chest, but he's since pushed that to the back and he'll have to just deal with that for now.

"I know, Kookie." Once he's standing, Namjoon drops his hand on Jungkook's head to pet his hair, reassuringly. "I love you too. So much." He lingers there for a moment, trying not to let the swelling in his brother's face stoke his anger again. Instead, he focuses on his smile, the warmth in his eyes where it was previously cold and vacant. Namjoon exhales heavily, trying to push everything out with it.

He pulls his phone out of his pocket to check the time quickly before his demeanor changes as he looks away, thinking about the time of day, which doors of the school they could enter, and planning the safest route there. The front gates would be busier now, which made going around to the front more of a risk. The hallways would be busy, too, but that was probably a good thing. Going through one of the side doors and slipping into the flow of students going to and fro was a much better plan. He nods, as if agreeing with himself.

"Okay, let's go this way. I'll sneak you in." Namjoon slips an arm over Jungkook's shoulder again, turning him around and beginning to walk on a path around the back of the school. A feeling emerges in the space he made inside his thoughts. A feeling that prods him, reminding him that no matter how strong or smart or reliable he thinks he can be, there is nothing he can really fix or change or help for anyone. Somehow, though, everyone pretends that he can. He lets that feeling gnaw at him as he guides Jungkook once more. Jungkook, who he keeps under his arm but is still hurt and will still be hurt later and will be hurt again in the future and there's nothing Namjoon can do but watch and say "You're going to be okay" in a voice that pretends to believe it.



JUNGKOOK It feels like there's been a shift, even if Jungkook can't quite pinpoint it. Maybe he's overthinking, and it's simply that Namjoon falls into a different demeanor when he's problem-solving - even for something less critical, like trying to sneak Jungkook in without drawing additional notice from staff and students alike. After all, it'd make sense that focus in one place naturally siphons it away from another.

Still, Jungkook can't quite shake the feeling like some of the closeness from only moments before has dissolved, and he finds himself missing it. Even if it's the more practical choice to focus on getting to class right now, there's a part of Jungkook that wishes they could just turn around, tackle the city, roam until they find a place where no one can touch them. He wonders, distantly, if this is what Taehyung feels every single time he goes out with Namjoon.

Jungkook thinks he might be able to understand now, even if only a little.

"Hyung's pretty good at this," Jungkook says with a soft laugh once they've found their stride, no one sparing them a second glance as they start to mill about among the student body. "I feel like I should take notes." He arches a brow. "I hope I'm not making you late for class, hyung."



NAMJOON Most of Namjoon's warmth returns at Jungkook's words, and at his own assessment that his path had worked. "I try my best. Hyung has experience needing to be invisible, and doesn't have the advantage of being inconspicuous-looking." He grins. "Not that I should promote you having that experience, what kind of hyung am I?"

He drops his hold on Jungkook once they find themselves back in the flow of travelling students in the school hallway, but makes sure he's shoulder to shoulder with him anyway. He stops at a T-intersection and looks down the direction of his classroom before looking back at Jungkook and shaking his head.

"No, I'll be fine. I hope I didn't make you late either." Namjoon lingers, knowing he needs to turn away but, looking at Jungkook's face, pleasant and smiling but has already been through so much emotion today already, it was difficult to tear himself away.

"You'll be okay today." He makes himself not say it like a question. "People might be weird, but every day ends, and you'll get through it." He takes a hesitant step back. This is wrong. He shouldn't be leaving him to deal with this day on his own. Is keeping up social appearances worth this? "Text me if you want to, okay?"



JUNGKOOK "Teaching me a skill doesn't mean that I'm going to abuse it, hyung," Jungkook says with a mischievous glint in his eye. It's true enough that he doesn't think he'll use this route all that often; even when things are at the worst between himself and his stepfather, usually it's not visible like this, nothing that he'll have to adjust the course of his day for. But it's good to have another path that he can use if the need arises.

His shoulder feels cold as soon as Namjoon pulls his arm away, but Jungkook takes the signal as one to work on his smile, trying his best to keep his spirits up as he meets Namjoon's gaze.

"I'll be okay," he echoes, even as he feels the weight slowly gathering back on his chest. He'll be okay, but he'll be alone in fielding all the looks from his classmates. Times like these, Jungkook wonders if he should have tried harder to make friends in his own class. He slides a hand into his pocket, briefly squeezing around his phone. "It's just class, it'll be fine. But yeah, I'll text you if there's anything that comes up, hyung." Jungkook shifts slightly on his heel, turning more in the direction of his classroom. "...thank you, hyung."



NAMJOON Namjoon is aware that for the moment, they're both making themselves smile, for their own sakes, or for the sake of the other, but more likely both. He takes another step back, putting another foot of distance between him and Jungkook and hating himself for it. He has to go to class. They both have to go to class, but he finds himself wondering if it's worth it. Why was school more important than Jungkook's safety, or well-being? Why was keeping up an appearance of normalcy a priority when things were so obviously not right?

Another small step backwards, and Namjoon, hands curled uselessly in his pockets, can only simply nod at Jungkook's thanks. Even through the guilt Jungkook knows, he hopes, that he can come to him, and that it isn't as much of a burden as his mind might try to convince him. He hopes Jungkook knows that Namjoon cares more about his welfare than many other things that demand his time. Namjoon nods and hopes that it says all that.

It's only when Jungkook is mostly turned around that Namjoon is able to do the same. He lets the smile he put on for Jungkook drop as he takes measured steps in the direction of his class, not bothering to hide the rolling storm behind his eyes as he lets a dark part of him imagine what he could do if he decided to show up at their house one day.


CODE BY TESSISAMESS