051121. namjoon & taehyung.

[lovestrippedbare]

SPRING.
May 11, 2021.

WHO namjoon & taehyung
WHAT about seokjin

WHERE train car
TIMELINE cycle 3

NAMJOON He seems surprised to see Taehyung when he climbs into the car, even though he had told him to be here when he left "Oh! Uh. You're here. Hey."

TAEHYUNG The car isn't just safe now, it's comfortable too. He's curled up in the corner on the mattress, resting with his shoulder and head tilted against the wall where he's been idly flipping through one of Namjoon's books. Stays sprawled exactly how he is, just looking up and smiling. A little. "Hey. How was it?"

NAMJOON "Uh. It was, um..." He turns and closes the door behind him, slowly, like he's not fully present to do it, and he stays with his back turned once he's done, eyes roaming around, looking at nothing. "It was good. It went... well, actually."

TAEHYUNG The smile brightens until he looks closer, and it falters. He makes a show of squinting suspiciously. "Then why do you look like that?"

NAMJOON "I, uh..." Wide eyes travel up the metallic face of the door, and then off to the side, down to a corner of the room. It's safe there. There's nothing for him to worry about there. "I think I've done something bad."

TAEHYUNG The book gets tossed to the other side of the mattress and he scoots to the edge, arms around his knees, chin resting on top. He tries not to sound as concerned as he feels. "Bad like what?"

NAMJOON "Um." It's a little higher pitched, a little more strangled of a noise now as he turns around to finally face Taehyung. Fingers press at his temples, brow tense and furrowed. How does he say this? "I think... I think I forgot? About you? No, wait, that's not what I mean." He shuts his eyes and grimaces. "I didn't tell him about you. About this. About anything to do with... y'know, this."

TAEHYUNG "Oh? ...ohhhh." He frowns instead as it dawns on him what Namjoon means. "You think he'll- I didn't think about... oh. You probably should tell him."

NAMJOON "Well, yeah I should probably tell him!" His hands fly outward, exasperated. "I should have told him, like... like..." Turning, he starts pacing the length of the room. "I should have told him when I was there. No, I should have told him when I said I'd go over. No! I should have said it during our texts. Or before that. Heol, I'm an absolute idiot. Absolutely, just... I have the brain matter of this fucking box." He kicks his brain - a cardboard box of clothes - and returns to pacing nervously.

TAEHYUNG Taehyung watches Namjoon's brain and gives it a sympathetic click of the tongue, following Namjoon as he paces across the car. "If you kick it you're just going to make it worse," he says lightly, reaching for Namjoon's hand when he passes by once.

NAMJOON His hand slips around Taehyung's so easily that he barely registers it until he feels the resistance as he tries to keep walking. He stops, stares down at his feet. "It's already pretty shit, how much worse could it get?" All the nervous energy feels like it's drained out of him now that he's not moving, so he flops down on the mattress beside Taehyung. "I'm stupid. He's gonna be upset and I'm stupid."

TAEHYUNG "You're not stupid. We're stupid," he says helpfully, tugging Namjoon's hand even though he's already right next to him. "I didn't - sorry."

NAMJOON He shakes his head and leans in towards Taehyung, so his shoulder is resting against his. "No, it was my job to, I really should have -- ugh, I wasn't thinking. It didn't go badly, too. Everything was really... well it was still stressful but to a lesser extent than I thought it'd be and otherwise it felt really nice to be there. UGH and now I'm gonna ruin it."

Silence, for a moment.
I mean. Do you not-

Not what?

I don't want to mess you up.

Aish, no, don't say that. Don't think that.

I know. I just. You and hyung.

Yeah... I don't know what the correct thing to do is. You don't feel like... a "boyfriend"? If Seokjin asked me to, I don't think I'd be able to go back from this like it didn't happen.
He squeezes his hand.
So... I don't know. I keep fucking up with him.

Looks down at their hands, squeezes back.
I - I can talk to him?

You? Wouldn't that be... Would that be better, or worse?

I mean.
Pause.
He can get mad at me instead?

I don't know that I prefer that. He should get mad at me. But if I think about it, I don't know what I'd say.
He rubs his forehead with his free hand.
Uughhhh can't things just be easy so I can not stress for a second?

Maybe I should text him. I should text him.
But
I don't
want him mad at you either.

He should be mad at me more than you. You told me to go and everything, I just completely didn't think about it
Sorry, Taehyungie

I didn't either
's okay.
It'll be okay

Mmph. I dunno
Tell him I know I'm the dumbest
When he gets mad

shoves him lightly
Not dumb.

Dumbest.
turns and rests his forehead on Taehyung's shoulder
I'm a cardboard box.

The smartest cardboard box I've ever met.
sighs and pulls out his phone

falls backward onto the bed
I'm sorry Taehyungieeeee

falls back and scoots to rest his head against his chest, feet dangling off the side of the mattress
looks up at him

looks down, makes eye contact, but then closes his eyes
Is -- no, I don't wanna know.
Okay nevermind, I want to know

he says he isn't angry

Okay... That's good. Right? That's alright
his phone buzzes
Nevermind, I take it back, it's all bad

frowns

"I forgot" sounds really bad, right? Or should I just jump straight to "I'm a box"?

earnestly
I don't think he'd get it

mmphh
stares at his phone screen

is it bad?
what did he throw at you?

He wants to know why I didn't tell him and I have no idea how to explain it
Without sounding like an absolute doorknob

looks a little helpless

another message, and he squirms.
without taking his eyes off the screen, he reaches out for Taehyung's hand, holds it tightly for a moment
then takes it back and starts texting

looks at his own phone, then up at namjoon, then at the ceiling of the car

shaky inhale, the hand holding his phone drops to the mattress
Yeah, I fucked it all up

lifts his head and scoots up a bit

rolls over towards him, clinging
... sorry, Taehyungie

's okay. i'm sorry he's.
vague waves
i didn't think.

No one thought. No thinking happened
It's all just
vague waves

we can fix it.

If he doesn't want to fix it, though, then...
Well, I guess that's what I get

bites his lip

It's okay

i didn't mean to fuck it up

I was an asshole to him the day before I met up with you. Until today I didn't think he'd want to...
It's not your fault
You made it better

but not with hyung

There's nothing to be done about it

guess not.

I can't be apart from you. I told him that. I think he knew that anyway.

.. okay.
he's always selfish

So there's just. Nothing to do

yeah. i'm.

It's not your fault

okay.

... I don't know why I went over like there was nothing else. Like everything was normal

things have just felt normal

Yeah...
Thanks. For helping. For texting him.

mmhm!
i dunno how much help that is.

It helped. You always help
scrolls through texts, rereading them until he falls asleep