090119. hoseok & seokjin.

[lovestrippedbare]

AUTUMN.
September 1, 2019.

WHO hoseok & seokjin
WHAT catching up

WHERE phone call
TIMELINE cycle 1

SEOKJIN There's a holiday tomorrow. Everyone is heralding it as the end of summer and at least half of the Americans he's met have been trying to invite him to some barbecue or another. Seokjin has said 'maybe' to all of them. There's only one appointment he's determined to keep and it's the one he coordinated with Hoseok. Because of tomorrow's holiday, there are no activities where he's required in the morning. Meaning he can stay up as late as he wants.

Lying on his narrow dorm bed, Seokjin opens KakaoTalk and finds Hoseok's name and hits 'video call.'



HOSEOK Hoseok’s expecting the call, hoping for it, but he’s been worried since Jin texted him that it might not happen. Jin’s busy in California, Hoseok’s sure, at his exciting new school, far away from all the unpleasantness back here at home. It wasn’t surprising to Hoseok that Jin would want to leave, to go somewhere his future could be brighter, happier. And he misses Jin so much, but Jin’s happiness is so much more important than that.

He’s off work for the next couple hours, between shifts at the the dance studio and the burger place, which is why they planned to have the call now. He’s trying to pretend he’s okay if it doesn’t happen, doing some cleaning, and he’s actually startled when his phone vibrates in his pocket, right on time.

He pulls it out, lifting it up as he pushes ‘accept’ on the call, the smile on his face wide and bright and entirely genuine.

“Jin hyung!” he exclaims, moving to sit down on his couch. “Hi!”



SEOKJIN Seokjin hadn't realized how tired he was until Hoseok's face came onto the screen. The group chat is still there and Jin does his best to keep up through messages but it's not the same, especially with people like Hoseok. Even over a tiny screen, Hoseok radiates energy and Seokjin perks up, some of his own tiredness fading away. "Hoseok!" he says, smiling wider than he has in days. "I'm glad this worked out! Ah, one second, I got a phone mount."

Reaching over, Jin fixes the camera into its stand and moves from his bed to his desk so he can wave at it. "You just got the room tour while I moved my phone," he jokes. "The other side will be my roommate's but he isn't moved in yet."

His own side of the room isn't much of a contrast. It's all still sparse except for a few photos of them, on the beach, that he's taped to the wall. "My half of the room is here though."



HOSEOK Honestly Hoseok hasn’t really been able to look away from Jin’s face, not since he’s answered the call. Jin’s leaving had been the least painful of the three they’ve experienced, but only because Jin actually told them where he was going and why, had promised to keep in touch. It’s hard not having Jin here, not being able to show up on Jin’s doorstep on nights where things feel like they’re too much, to bring Jin pastries he can barely afford because he knows Jin’s hurting more than he is, has lost more than he has.

Hoseok hopes, though, truly, honestly, that Jin’s happier now that he’s at Stanford, that he’ll find passions and people to help him move on.

“It’s a nice room!” Hoseok agrees, though he didn’t really see much of it. “When does your roommate move in? Do you like California? Have you been to the beach?” He’s probably asking too many questions but he can’t help himself; seeing his hyung’s face is making his heart so happy. “I miss you. I’m so glad you called.”



SEOKJIN Seokjin beams at the phone. "On the fifteenth. He'll be an international student too. I'm helping with the orientation because I can speak English," he explains. The next few days are going to be spent perfecting his smile, his Business Man's Son demeanor that will make him a perfect ambassador. He wishes he could say he's looking forward to it but his heart is still ten thousand miles away, torn up into six other pieces.

"I'm going to explore outside of campus tomorrow by myself now that my orientations are done. I want to go to the zoo." Now his smile turns a little more relaxed, a little more genuine. It'll be the first time in a few days he doesn't have to make appearances to anyone. "They have alpacas. I'll take selcas with each one that looks like me."



HOSEOK Hoseok smiles widely, feeling so proud of his hyung. He’s not surprised that Jin’s doing so well, of course; he’s always known how charming and smart and amazing Jin is. He’s just so happy that other people outside of their group are realizing it too, that Jin’s finding a way to flourish in a new place on his own, so far away from home. Hoseok knows there’s no way he’d fair that well in a similar situation himself.

“The zoo sounds awesome!” he exclaims, already imaging Jin going there, talking to the animals, taking photos. “You’ll share the pictures with us, right?”

He can’t stop smiling. He knows Jin is thousands of miles away, but he feels so near right now, the two of them talking. He’s missing so many people already that just the fact that Jin’s trying to stay in touch means so much to him.

“Aish, you’re so cool,” he says, flopping down on his couch. “I bet everyone wants to hang out with you.”



SEOKJIN "Of course I will," he promises. Jin mimes posing for the camera, predicting the selcas he'll take. "So here's Seokjinie with the alpacas. And here's Seokjinie with the otters and the mini horses or whatever it is they have." In his imaginary scenario, Seokjin will have no one to take photos for him because he plans on going alone.

He can't help but think it would be so much nicer if he was going with the others. They could take pictures with Jungkook next to bunnies and Yoongi next to a sloth. It's more pleasant to imagine than his current situation.

"I don't know how big my group will be, when they arrive. At least I have practice being someone's hyung." He'd rather be their hyung but that ship has sailed. Sailed and then been nuked to the depths by his own doing.



HOSEOK Hoseok smiles as Jin poses and he can’t wait to see the real pictures, glad he’ll get to see his hyung’s face, see him smiling and having fun. He wishes that he could go with Jin to the zoo, that he could be the one taking those photos, that they could share an ice cream, that he could see Jin’s happy face in person.

He understands why Jin went away, that it was more than just going to a prestigious school in America. It’s hard to be here, left behind, and it has to be worse to be left by the person who was supposed to love you the most. So maybe Jin is running too, but Hoseok understands it, is sympathetic. If Jimin left him he’s not sure what he would do, how he would be able to just go on, day to day.

And at least Jin said goodbye, Jin told them where was going, Jin answers their texts and sets up Skype dates. Jin’s still in their lives, even though he’s far away, and that’s better than nothing.

“Well, don’t let them get too attached,” Hoseok says at the mention of Jin’s tour group. “You’re our hyung, and we don’t want to share,” he adds with a pout.



SEOKJIN A treacherous part of Seokjin wishes the same, for all that he made the decision to move away on his own. He tells himself, again and again, that it's better this way, but it feels hollower every time. Things would be so much better, so much happier, if they were all together at the zoo with ice cream, but that moment is gone. Nothing Seokjin does can bring it back and it will always, always be partly his fault.

"Oh, they probably won't," he promises. "They'll be too busy dealing with all of it. Most of them are coming to America for the first time."

He'll be the cheerful leader they cling to and then he'll be background noise while they start their lives.



HOSEOK “I wish I could come,” Hoseok says, tone wistful. He’s always wanted to see America, to fly on a plane and land in Los Angeles and see the city, the beaches there, all the famous people. He remembers once not that long ago when he and Jungkook talked about Jin opening a restaurant in the states, all of the rest of them coming to work there, all of them living and working together. It was a frivolous conversation about something that was never really going to happen, but the idea of it all had been comforting at the time, is still comforting, even in it’s impossibility.

“What’s it like there?” he asks, still so happy to be seeing Jin’s face even if only on the tiny screen of his phone. “Have you seen anyone famous? What’s your favorite restaurant?”



SEOKJIN "What's it like?" Seokjin laughs. "That's like asking what Seoul is like. I wouldn't know where to start." Except that he misses it. He misses them. Hoseok's cheer, his bright energy is infectious, even just through a tiny screen.

Searching for an easy answer, Seokjin falls into his usual character. "Fruit is so cheap here. Mango, pineapple, apples. I wish I could send them to you over the phone." It's heartbreakingly easy to imagine it, all seven of them crowded around a table with a pile of fresh fruit, laughing and play fighting.



HOSEOK Hoseok’s eyes go wide as he imagines it, being able to afford to buy fruit whenever he wanted. Even at the orphanage he didn’t get much all that often, and then it was the cheaper stuff. He’s never tasted a mango before, has only had pineapple once or twice, and the idea of getting to have it every day makes his mouth water.

“I wish you could send it too!” he replies brightly. “Or that I could come visit you there. I’d love to see California so much, see where you live, what the campus is like,” he says. “And see you, too, of course. I miss you, hyung.”

He’s still smiling, trying to keep the conversation light, but he really does miss Jin so much, his smile and his support, his kind, constant presence.



SEOKJIN Seokjin shakes his head, feigning hurt. "It's too late. I know you're only after me for my produce!" he says dramatically, making a motion like he's going to flop to the ground in despair. Then he smiles, back to his normal levels of melodrama. "Maybe with all the money I'm saving on fruit, I can buy everyone a plane ticket." He's done the math before, knows that the cost would be astronomical, but he can't help fantasizing even as he reminds himself that he chose this distance.

"The campus is really nice. I'll try and send more photos," he adds. "It's peaceful right now but once all the students get here, it'll probably be crazy."



HOSEOK Hoseok giggles as he watches Jin dramatics over their video chat and it makes his heart feel so light, but it also brings with it the ache of longing again, especially when Jin mentions the plane ticket. It’s been long enough now that the vestiges of his crush are really just soft little flutters at the back of his conscious, but he can’t help how much he misses his hyung.

If they were together in person Hoseok would be hanging off one of Jin’s broad shoulders by now, laughing, burying his flushed face maybe. Or Hoseok would tease Jin about making good on buying him a mango, or even just suggest they go get one together.

He knows, even with Jin’s rich father, there’s no way Jin can afford to fly any of them to the states, but it’s so hard to not imagine what it would be like, to fly on a plane, to see Jin in person, to hug him again. Everyone’s drifting now that Jin’s in California, Namjoon and Yoongi already gone. Hoseok’s been clinging extra tightly to Jimin in the last few months, but it’s different now that he has to work so much while the other three are still in school. It’s impossible but Hoseok can’t help wishing things could just go back to the way they used to be, that they could follow their dream of being together like they’d planned.

“I’d love to see photos!” Hoseok says, grinning as widely as he can to keep his own moping from bringing down their conversation. “I always imaging that California is so sunny, with blue water and blue skies and beautiful people everywhere.” He blushes then as something comes to mind, and maybe he shouldn’t say it, but he hopes it will at least make Jin smile.

“I bet you fit in perfectly with them.”



SEOKJIN Even with Seokjin's rich father, the amount of money he can actually access is well below what he'd need to make the trip happen. And his father hated Seokjin's six friends, so he'd never lend his son the kind of money they'd need.

It's nice to dream, even if Seokjin knows that's all it can be. They still have no idea where Yoongi and Namjoon are, which means any excursion will be automatically incomplete. Even if they were here, Seokjin's not sure he could look Yoongi in the eye. Everything that happened to Yoongi, to the classroom, is his fault, isn't it? Maybe Yoongi wouldn't know that but Seokjin does. Namjoon too. It's a hungry guilt, one that wants to devour every imaginary reconciliation he can think of.

Hoseok teases and flatters him and Seokjin laughs, playfully fanning himself. "I'm worried I won't keep up," he says, lapsing into fake hysterics. "I might need a nose job or something." Scrunching his nose to emphasize his pretended worries, Seokjin tries to keep the character rather than lapse into giggles.



HOSEOK Hoseok knows Jin is joking but he shakes his head anyway. Jin knows he’s handsome, or at least he knows people think he is, and he’s probably heard it so many time by now that it doesn’t sound the least bit sincere.

But he’s more than handsome to Hoseok, because Hoseok knows him, has been taken care of by him, has seen him love and care for all of their friends. Hoseok knows about his selflessness, his kindness, the way he gets upset when he doesn’t think he can help someone in need. He knows Jin’s heart, and it’s more beautiful that Jin’s face by far.

“Don’t,” Hoseok says. “You don’t need one, first of all,” he says, putting on a serious face. “Second of all, if you get any prettier you’ll get scouted to be an actor or a model and then you’ll never come home!”

He’s exaggerates his tone so it sounds like he’s teasing, but he really does worry that Jin will love it there so much he’ll just stay. And Hoseok wouldn’t blame him really, but he can’t bear the thought that he’ll never see Jin in person again, that he’ll never get to hug him or hold his hand.

“You can be famous here, okay?” he offers, pouting a little at his hyung over their video chat.



SEOKJIN That's the idea, he doesn't say. Seokjin is never going to belong in Seoul again. He's hurt his friends in secret, invisible ways that he can never undo. It's better that he stays far enough away that he can't do more harm.

"Don't worry, I already turned one scout down before," he says. They both know that's not quite how the story went but Seokjin thinks he can be forgiven for embellishing the truth and making himself sound like the hero who chose not to pursue fame, rather than being forbidden from trying. His expression softens and he indulges in the fantasy of going back to Seoul, being welcomed back by six others. It's a dream.

"Well if Hoseokie says I shouldn't, then I guess I won't." Seokjin taps his own nose and smiles at the screen.



HOSEOK “Good,” Hoseok says, relaxing back and switching the phone to his other hand. “Seriously, you’re perfect the way you are,” he adds, and maybe he’s being a little heavy handed, but Jin’s objectively the most beautiful person he’s ever met. On top of that he’s such a good, kind, wonderful person. Hoseok knows people in California are going to fall in love with Jin immediately once they get to know him; it happened to him, after all.

He tries not to worry that Jin’s going to fall in love with someone there too, that he’s going to find love and a life in America and won’t ever want to come back to them. Not that he doesn’t want Jin to be happy because he does; he wants it with his whole heart. It’s not even really jealousy, though he can’t deny there’s a part of him that still gets fluttery when he thinks about the chance of Jin ever liking him back. He just can’t stand the thought that he’ll never get to see Jin in person again.

“I’m glad you’re doing well there,” he says, chewing on his bottom lip a little. “I miss you a lot, but I’m glad you’re happy.”



SEOKJIN "I'm very far from perfect," he says with a snort. "But my looks hide the ways I'm rotten on the inside." His smile turns self-deprecating, a look he's become good at, especially when he's trying to charm someone. Of course, one someone he's known a long time, like Hoseok, it doesn't work, but that's why it's safe to play the part over the phone.

Right now, Seokjin can barely fathom the idea of falling in love with anyone. He assumes that Namjoon disappearing into nowhere is a pretty clear indication of an ended relationship but he wishes his heart could understand that.

"I miss all of you too."



HOSEOK “Hyung,” Hoseok says, pouting a little at Jin’s self-deprecation. “You’re not rotten on the inside! You’re wonderful on the inside, just as handsome as you are on the outside! More handsome even!”

It doesn’t really make sense, or maybe it does somehow, at least to Hoseok. The bottom line is, while he understands why Jin might think that about himself, that he might worry about things he thinks or feels, Hoseok knows Jin’s a good person, maybe even the best person he’s ever met.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, hyung,” he says, wishing for the millionth time he could reach out and take Jin’s hand, give it a reassuring squeeze.. “You’re amazing. We all know it. And you believe us, right?”



SEOKJIN Seokjin laughs but gives up on trying to deflect Hoseok's good intentions. What would he think if he knew, Jin wonders shamefully. Yoongi's expulsion is his fault; Seokjin is the one who took a hammer to the spike that had been driven into them when Namjoon disappeared. He's the one who splintered things beyond repair.

"You're some of the best people I know," he says, trying to cover a yawn with his hand. It isn't that late but he's already tired. "I guess that means I should trust you, doesn't it?"



HOSEOK Jin tries to hide a yawn behind his hand, but Hoseok sees it, feels instantly bad that he’s taking up so much of his hyung’s time, even though it was Jin’s idea that they do this video call in the first place. He knows he must be starting to irritate Jin with all his stupid questions, but Jin, as always, is too kind to tell him so.

“At least trust the kids,” he says, waving a hand toward his phone. “I don’t know anything about anything, but Jungkook, Tae, and Jimin know what’s cool, and they all adore you.”

Sitting up, Hoseok makes a show of glancing down at his watch. “Wow, it’s got to be pretty late for you, huh?” he says, even though he really has no idea what time it is in California, all knowledge of the time difference having left his brain. “And I’m over here babbling at you, keeping you up. I’m sorry, hyung.”



SEOKJIN Seokjin knows it's for his benefit that Hoseok checks his watch but he still pouts. "Not that late. Almost midnight but tomorrow is a holiday so I don't have to be anywhere." He clenches his jaw against another yawn and doesn't quite succeed at smothering it. "I miss everyone. It's hard to make time line up."

He misses everyone and still wonders if he even deserves that.

"It was good to talk to you. We should set these up again."


CODE BY TESSISAMESS